"the messy do" ...phase 2...014.
(you may want to sit down for this one)
Ashton Kutcher sums it up kind of perfectly. If my heart could talk to my head, I'm pretty sure it would look just like that interaction. Same tone. Same expression. Same level of vulnerability.
...yepp. I am a mess.
I actually think it's been trying to tell me that for a while now, I just didn't want to listen and I was too busy running, trying to drown out the sound. Truth is, it started when I was a kid. The day I found out one of the neighbor boys was gonna ask me to the Fun Fair in 5th grade while the crew was playing wiffle ball in the front yard, I ran inside as soon as I saw him heading up the street, and I've been running ever since.
Why?........ I don't have that answer. I just know my tender little heart is so freeeeeeaking sensitive. I don't like hurting other people's feelings even though I end up doing it anways. And I don't like when my heart hurts, so I just don't take risks often when it pertains to the heart because my recovery time is horrendously slow, and I don't like looking stupid. #realtalk
You know what's even more ironic and slightly pathetic? I am a sap. Like a major sap. I love Hallmark movies. I also watch "LOL" with Miley Cyrus on a regular basis. And I tried to avoid watching "No Strings Attached" for years because I know I'm not supposed to like it based on the premise, but sorry, I'm not sorry. It is so good. The authenticity of the story and the characters... so endearing. And, while I'm on the topic of movies, another movie I've really identified with this year is "Groundhog Day," with Bill Murray. Poor Bill Murray wakes up on February 2, to the same song on the radio, day after day, reliving the same events and checkpoints, and does everything in his power to escape the ongoing cycle. I have felt like that oh so many times this year; stuck.... except I have been waking up to "Adorn," by Miguel, on my iPhone alarm every morning. It's a terrible song, don't listen to it. It was either that or "Billionaire (feat. Bruno Mars)," by Travie McCoy, which was supposed to motivate me to get up for work to make some money. haha. #success
I will be honest, at age 29, creeping in on 30, in the stage of life I am in, I have often felt like I am approaching the Millenium.... part deuce. With the anticipation/dread of entering into a new decade, as far as I am concerned, the jury is still out in regards to whether or not the world is ending. I still don't know if there is life on the other side. It's just like, what the deuce. This year has been a doozy though, that is for darn certain. Talk about me being a "runner." I ran hard, and God had some interesting approaches to get me to stop running; literally and figuratively. He really had no other choice but to use His creativity to catch my attention and pull back on the reigns.
3 of the ways that I run when my heart says, "I'm a mess..."
travel to cool places while taking selfies along the way
jam to sick beats on repeat in my pimped out jeep
run really really fast on the treadmill or outside and/or get shredded at the gym
3 of the ways God said, "I can use your mess..."
Park City, Utah. So I have had some seriously good times in Park City. It is one of my favorite places to visit. I love it so much. Last February, I took a trip out there. I had planned to go back at the end of March as well. I won't bore you with the details, I'll just say this; it was an awful trip. I originally booked it because I didn't want to be alone on Valentine's Day. The timing was really bad. I went there to snowboard and to hit up coffee shops, and the first day, I didn't want to go on the mountain or leave my hotel room. I couldn't even finish my morning coffee. The next day I forced myself to strap on my board, and I couldn't stay on the mountain for more than 2 hours. I was miserable. I needed to go home. I finally decided to switch my flight to come back early and I was on the plane the next morning. I was faced with the reality that I used travel to distract me from heartache. I walked into my parents' house, bawled my eyes out when my mom asked why I was home, and I cancelled my trip planned for March. Needless to say, my selfies during that trip had seen better days.
The Handicap Sign. So I like really love my jeep. I thorougly enjoy driving it. I treat it like my baby. It was a gift from my dad. He is so generous. Anyways, one day I was leaving school and there was a parent parked in the exit of the parking lot waiting to pick up his kid. I thought to myself, I could either pull up behind him, wait patiently and confront him with a friendly honk, or I could go my own way and drive through the empty spots and use the other exit. Heck, I hate confrontation, so I'll just swerve.... right into a handicap sign. Shiiiooooot. I still have no idea how in the world I did not see that sign. It was bizarre... and SAD! I knew it was divine intervention, especially since I'm an amazing driver and I just don't ever do things like that. See, when that happened, I was in a pretty dark place. I was rebelling internally and I was putting my own desires before anything else. I was running from God and trying to manipulate situations in my life. The handicap sign was a symbol of how my selfish decisions were setting me back and it was a wake up call commanding me to obey what I knew deep down God wanted me to do: be still. Needless to say, I was jammin' to sick beats in an F'd up jeep for a bit.
A Sprained Ankle. So I would like to think I'm a pretty good athlete... really humble too. I love to compete. This summer, a friend of mine asked me to play on his indoor soccer team. It was a blast. No more than five minutes into the third game of the season, I go for a 50/50 ball and get kicked in the ankle. This guy who I beat to the ball hit me from the inside which caused my ankle to roll. I walked it off and played the rest of the game because I'm really tough like that. That decision came back to bite me because later that night my ankle was the size of a baseball. The two weeks following, I taped it up and played on it. I still couldn't understand why it was still so bruised and swollen though. It should have healed already. And even though I could manage playing through the pain on a turf field, I still couldn't just go for a run to workout. It was annoying, and I was getting impatient. I finally asked the athletic trainers at the high school, and they told me that if I'm not resting it, the healing process will take longer. Once again, I was told: be still. See at the same time this all happened, I was still recovering from my dark place but I was seeking the Lord a lot and wanted to obey. On August 2, I figured out the root of what I needed. I needed restoration. I prayed for restoration of hope, restoration of my joy, and restoration of certain relationships. I wanted this restoration to be speedy, just like my running, but unfortunately God made it clear it would not happen overnight. Just like with my fat ankle, I had to be patient and take one step at a time. And needless to say, my fast running on the treadmill looked more like horizontal running on the couch.
So the recurring lesson that I've learned from 2014 is this:
God can turn my hot mess into a beautiful mess. He has shown me so much grace. He hears my prayers. He is faithful. He is trustworthy. He knows what is best. He is Good.
Now, on a more serious note, the moment you've all been waiting for... hair tips. It only took me 3 years to post! Let me preface this by saying this tip may sound overly simple, but if you really think about it, it's very profound.
MessyDo Tip #1: Work with what you got. Don't try to change the texture of your hair. Don't try to change the color of your hair drastically. Find a style and length that suits your face shape and works with the thickness of your hair, and embrace what your mommy gave you.
And lastly, if you've made it this far... cheers to 2015 baby.
(press play)
